


literal hell

by ItsBrayBabey



Category: Hataraku Maou-Sama! | The Devil Is a Part-Timer!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, I have no clue what chiho’s sexuality is but she’s Powerful, If it looks urushihara centric, Im tired, No Plot/Plotless, ashiya is hella salty, because big mood, chatfic, chiho is doing amazing, do they all hate each other? are they all best friends? who knows, do what you will, emi is a teenager adn god damn it, group chats, hes a naturally chaotic character, idk - Freeform, im urushihara kin and that spurred this trainwreck, its because it is, kill urushihara 2k18, no beta we die like men, rated because all of them cuss a lot, she didn't sign up for this, she is gonna Act Like One today, so he’s the easiest one to focus on, suzuno just wants this bs to end, suzuno's descent into madness, that just how it be, they're all just fuckin disasters tbh, urushihara hanzō is a homosexual, urushihara is gonna keep switching between never sleeping and sleeping all the time, you can take some things as shippy if you wanna
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-07-17 16:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16099232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsBrayBabey/pseuds/ItsBrayBabey
Summary: maou: oh nomaou: oh nomaou: he’s awoken. the winds have changed.Suzuno: Who is he? Are you alright?Ashiya: oh god damn iturushihara: hhelo straightsemi: god damn it





	1. the big dick disaster

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly hate myself for making this  
> The fandom is dead and i choose to make this nOW? Thanks, imagination.

** 11 AM **

 

maou: abandon ship

 

emi: ?????

 

maou: leave this group chat and never come back

 

chiho: Is something wrong, Mr. Maou?

 

maou: oh no

maou: _oh no_

maou: he’s awoken. the winds have changed.

 

Suzuno: Who is he? Are you alright?

 

Ashiya: oh god damn it

 

urushihara: hhelo straights

 

emi: god damn it

emi: i thought?? i kicked him??

 

urushihara: lmao you did

urushihara: guess who has a terminal and unlimited power bitch

 

**urushihara has gained admin privileges!**

 

**emi has lost admin privileges!**

 

emi: this is exactly why you were kicked in the first place

 

chiho: there’s only one option

chiho: delete him from the house

 

Ashiya: We would if we could, honestly.

 

urushihara: say it to my face??? bitch???

 

**urushihara changed Ashiya’s name to tiny dick energy**

 

emi: honestly, big fuckin agree

 

tiny dick energy: it's not funny and it will never be.

 

maou: i’m sorry, i can’t hear you over your suffocating tiny dick energy

 

urushihara: im fukcjakgsdlkDGFJglkzjjgLK

urushihara: the true king

 

**urushihara changed maou’s name to big dick energy**

 

Suzuno: What is “dick energy”?

 

emi: no one tell her.

emi: she’s precious and no one is allowed to change that

 

urushihara: “tiny dick energy; noun. shiro ashiya as a whole”

 

tiny dick energy: Sire, please Remove Him from this house.

 

big dick energy: as the primary holder of big dick energy, i dont take orders from Lil Dick Bitches

 

urushihara: maN DOWN

 

big dick energy: isljlkfJlakfJLKSJSDLKJFLKDSJ the bitch coLLAPSED????

big dick energy: daMN OK A Y, i can promote you to moderate dick energy and take suggestions jfc

 

urushihara: smdh that aint your decision now, hoe

 

big dick energy: im your legal guardian shut your fuck up

 

urushihara: the law can suck my dick and balls, i am a God

 

**urushihara changed their name to big dick god**

 

emi: honestly?? just fucking?? kill him

 

chiho: i feel like i’m supposed to be the moral one here as the earthling or whatever

chiho: “oh no, give him a chance, he can change!”

chiho: but honestly?

chiho: Kill Him

 

big dick god: why my peepee hard

 

Suzuno: My hairpin has been removed. Keep it up and you will be as well.

 

big dick god: ok bitch damn??? im sorry you can’t handle my blinding big dick energy

 

Suzuno: **What is big dick energy???**

 

chiho: suzuno using more than one question mark is a mood

 

big dick god: ive never seen so much dedication to the big dick cause. you are clearly taking this seriously.

big dick god: no one knows the exact definition of big dick energy. you learn and grow over time.

big dick god: until then, you will be promoted.

 

**big dick god changed Suzuno’s name to big dick disciple**

 

big dick disciple: I despise this fucking group chat.

 

tiny dick energy: jiFJDNSALKJFKLSDJLKFJSAFdsljlsfkdkl

 

emi: im actually goign ot fuckig cry, alas??? is asleep??? stop it???

 

big dick god: wait

big dick god: wAIT

 

**big dick god changed emi’s name to slow down grab your bible**

 

slow down grab your bible: what does this mean

slow down grab your bible: **_what does this mean, im shaking and crying_**

 

big dick god: slow down

big dick god: grab your bible

big dick god: pray like you’re tryna make your soul revival

 

chiho: urushihara is the terror of this group chat and i want him Removed.

 

big dick disciple: Don't we all?  
big dick disciple: Not only from the chat, but from life as a whole.

 

big dick god: bitch me too, the fuck

 

slow down grab your bible: we've agreed once in the entire time we've known each other

slow down grab your bible: and the thing we agreed on was how much we want u gone

slow down grab your bible: thats fuckin iconic

big dick god: we can all make a truce pact over how much of an asshole i am.

big dick god: of course, that's after i terrorize chiho

 

chiho: no.... please no....

chiho: im the only one left, i have a LIFe to live

 

big dick god: yawhee bitch

 

** big dick god changed chiho's name to big tiddy goth gf **

 

big tiddy goth gf: i hate this fucking family

 

slow down grab your bible: i wanted to make a new group chat and add everyone but him, but the bitch would probably get in anyway  


 

big dick god: :)

 

slow down grab your bible: get fucked

 

big dick god: i wish

 

slow down grab your bible: ive been watching the vine you set my user to for the longest fucking time

slow down grab your bible: why did i get so anxious as soon as i pressed play

 

big dick god: that just how it be

big dick god: i have like, 100+ videos saved on this computer and i make sure that it's impossible to look at any of them without fearing for your life

big dick god: for example, my first choice for your username

big dick god: [is this emi and alas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH95OQ_cWSo)

 

tiny dick energy: do you really deserve that laptop?

 

big dick god: no

big dick god: now who wants the thousands of cursed images i have saved

 

big dick energy: the haunted kind or the terrifying kind

 

big dick god: yes

 

big tiddy goth gf: _shit_


	2. lucifer confirmed hypebeast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big dick god: die!
> 
>  
> 
> big dick energy: lol you wish
> 
> big dick energy: i still got shit to do
> 
> big dick energy: such as exposing you for being an Insta Thot
> 
>  
> 
> tiny dick energy: *notices tumblr*
> 
> tiny dick energy: OwO what’s this?
> 
> big dick god: shuTH THEFU ck up ashiya??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big dick god: urushihara  
> tiny dick energy: ashiya  
> big tiddy goth gf: chiho  
> slow down grab your bible: emi  
> big dick disciple: suzuno  
> big dick energy: maou

**3 AM**

 

big dick god: what if you were actually sitting there, barbecue sauce on your titties

 

big tiddy goth gf: so i wake up, thinkg nin that there was an importnat notif, just fro this

big tiddy goth gf: go to sleep??? god damn????

 

big dick god: im nocturnal, are you rlly gon disrespect me like that

 

big tiddy goth gf: yea

 

big dick god: aight, thats justified

 

**11 AM**

 

big dick energy: i think it’s really ironic that urushihara always calls us hoes

 

big dick god: ??? wym ???

 

big dick energy: i didn’t know you had a tumblr :)

 

big dick god: oh my g

big dick god: die!

 

big dick energy: lol you wish

big dick energy: i still got shit to do

big dick energy: such as exposing you for being an Insta Thot

 

tiny dick energy: *notices tumblr*

tiny dick energy: OwO what’s this?

big dick god: shuTH THEFU ck up ashiya??

 

big dick energy sent [;).jpg]

 

slow down grab your bible: cursed image

 

tiny dick energy: Did

tiny dick energy: Did you really waste our ink to print out the Supreme logo

tiny dick energy: Just so you could tape it to your **crusty ass shirt**

 

big dick energy: shishter fuckin snapped

 

slow down grab your bible: top 10 images taken seconds before disaster

slow down grab your bible: beat his ass, broke bitch

 

big dick god: this printer was solely used to print out pictures of alas=ramus

big dick god: u can’t call anything i do with it a waste

 

slow down grab your bible: here’s the thing:

slow down grab your bible: alas is a fucking blessing

 

big dick god: supreme memes are a fucking blessing

big dick god: check and mate

 

big dick disciple: Alas is a lot better in comparison, however.

 

big dick energy: your big dick god status is removed

 

big tiddy goth gf: did he ever even have it??

 

big dick god: how abt you go to class and keep my name out ur mouth sis

big dick god: when i leave, you wanna keep

big dick god: doin this

big dick god: but then when i come around

big dick god: you dont wanna

big dick god: post up

big dick god: sssso how about you just say it to my face, the things you been sayin about me

 

tiny dick energy: the fact that you know that vine by heart is even more of a reason to take your big dick god status

 

**big dick god changed tiny dick energy’s name to dumb bitch energy**

 

big dick god: did u forget who’s in control, bitch

 

dumb bitch energy: h

 

big tiddy goth gf: calm the hell down, halsey

 

big dick god: ??? halsey ???

big dick god: im billie eilish, fuck you mean????

 

slow down grab your bible: you’re not good enough to be billie, srry sweaty

 

big dick god: you say that because you haven’t seen me in a crown

 

slow down grab your bible: because you can’t afford one

slow down grab your bible: get a job, bitch

 

big dick god: honestly?? just fuckin

big dick god: get sugonma

 

big dick disciple: If I ask what sugonma is, am I going to get a sufficient answer?

 

big dick energy: don’t

 

big dick god: did y’all forget that she’s a big dick disciple?

big dick god: she deserves an answer. i wouldn’t deprive her of that

big dick god: like, fr

 

dumb bitch energy: don’t do this.

 

big dick disciple: Then what is it?

 

big dick god: SUGONMA BALLS

 

**big dick disciple has left the chat!**

 

big tiddy goth gf: lJSAKLFJSDkljslkdgjksfjdgklj oI MF UCKGJ OLDJNLKGJAS

 

big dick energy: youl iterally/?? chased her out imf gonna fuckn cry

 

slow down grab your bible: press f to pay respects

 

big tiddy goth gf: f

 

big dick energy: f

 

dumb bitch energy: f

 

big dick god: she was warned.

 

**big dick god added big dick disciple to the chat!**

 

big dick disciple: I’m done with this entire chat.

 

big dick god: that’s what they all say

big dick god: next minute in, they’re posting shit memes and spamming “big mood”

 

big dick disciple: I was going to ask “who are they” but you’ve officially given me trust issues.

big dick disciple: I don’t trust you enough to ask about anything you say.

 

big dick god: :)

big dick god: good

big dick god: obedient followers of the big dick convent don’t ask questions.

 

big dick disciple: I’d leave again if I wasn’t aware that he’d just add me back.

big dick disciple: I’m trapped in my personal hell.

 

big dick god: :)))))

dumb bitch energy: Rest in piss, miss.

 

 

**4 PM**

 

big tiddy goth gf: guess who :DDD

 

big dick god: right when im about to go to sleep too lmao

big dick god: see u later

 

big tiddy goth gf: really??? it’s 4 PM??

 

big dick god: yea

big dick god: whats ur beef sis

 

big tiddy goth gf: 1. you type like a western bts stan on twitter

big tiddy goth gf: 2. _it’s 4 PM_

big tiddy goth gf: what’s goin on with your sleep schedule??

 

big dick god: unemployment :)

big dick god: and maybe i am a western bts stan on twitter

big dick god: why you needa know? all up in my pussy boiyee

 

dumb bitch energy: please go to sleep, if i hear one more vine from you today i’m going to kill a man

 

big dick god: today’s forecast, we can clearly see

big dick god: somebody got me fucked up

big dick god: fucked up

 

big tiddy goth gf: he was warned

big tiddy goth gf: my dad’s a police officer. i can confirm that you now have the legal right to Maim Him.

 

dumb bitch energy: Soon.

dumb bitch energy: Watch your back.

 

big dick god: if you don’t stop i’ll call her dad

 

big tiddy goth gf: was that… an attempt at a billie eilish reference??

 

big dick god: was it? :)

 

big tiddy goth gf: Make sure that soon comes quickly.

 

big dick god: :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I remember it being canon that urushihara has a tumblr?? I think I remember seeing a post a long time ago that said if you zoom into his computer at some point in the anime, you can see a tumblr profile on his screen kdlfjalksdjf, if im wrong dont @ me


	3. the fall of the big dick brotherhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slow down grab your bible: he aint wrong
> 
>  
> 
> big dick god: when am i ever wrong
> 
>  
> 
> dumb bitch energy: Always
> 
>  
> 
> big dick disciple: Always.
> 
>  
> 
> satan jacob has rabies: always
> 
>  
> 
> big tiddy goth gf: always
> 
>  
> 
> big dick god: did yall really have to go and do it in unison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big dick god: urushihara  
> dumb bitch energy: ashiya  
> big tiddy goth gf: chiho  
> slow down grab your bible: emi  
> big dick disciple: suzuno  
> big dick energy: maou

**7 AM**

 

**big dick god changed the chat name to “big dick board meeting”**

 

 

slow down grab your bible: no

slow down grab your bible: we will not

 

big dick god: yes the fuck we will

big dick god: @everyone

 

dumb bitch energy: Do you ever just… shut the fuck up.. for once in your life..

 

big dick god: lmao no

 

big dick disciple: We all know this by now.

big dick disciple: He’s the bane of my existence.

 

big dick god: ;))) im flattered you’re flirting, but chadwick boseman is the only one for me

 

big dick disciple: Then Perish.

 

slow down grab your bible: look at that. he fucking ruined her.

slow down grab your bible: the fact thta she knows what that meme is is a tragedy

slow down grab your bible: banish him

 

big dick god: this

big dick god: this is why we’re having the big dick board meeting

 

big tiddy goth gf: whydd you have to

big tiddy goth gf: name it that

 

big dick god: because its the big dick board meeting

big dick god: whats beefin, sis??

 

big tiddy goth gf: honestlyl im… too tired ot deal with you???

big tiddy goth gf: im supposed to be up anyway ig,ge tit over with

 

big dick god: ha

big dick god: tit

 

big dick energy: i am literally about to fight you.

 

big dick god: you’re right, i’m off topic

big dick god: alright, as the head of the Big Dick Convent™

big dick god: im gonna need yall to start showin me some respect around here

big dick god: i just need yall to realize im your superior and treat me as such

 

big dick energy: im literally your king

big dick energy: and why’d you have to do this after an all nighter

 

big dick god: shuth the fuck up, you’re a toddler

 

big dick energy: im hundreds of years old

 

big dick god: but are you in the thousands???

big dick god: thats what i thought

big dick god: bitch

 

big dick energy: are u fr

 

big dick god: as god, im afraid i’ll be taking your right to speak

 

big dick energy: suck my dick

 

**big dick god set big dick energy’s name to satan jacob has rabies**

 

satan jacob has rabies: wow

 

big dick god: don’t test me, googoo gaga headass

 

slow down grab your bible: id ask what the context is if i didnt know id either get some cryptic ass answer or some shitty pun

 

big dick god: you know me so well xoxoxo

 

slow down grab your bible: i think i just puked in my mouth

slow down grab your bible: like, fr

 

big dick disciple: That’s an entirely reasonable reaction.

 

big dick god: sit the fuck down suzuno??

big dick god: you were a whole ass disciple?? you used to be the chill one??

big dick god: now everything you say is just you comin at me

big dick god: what! the! fuck! is! beefin! sis!

 

big dick disciple: Why was I “the chill one”?

big dick disciple: Please understand: I don’t like you.

 

big dick god: h

big dick god: wow, is this what heartbreak feels like??  
big dick god: my first rejection. im crying.

 

dumb bitch energy: 1. No, you’re not.

dumb bitch energy: 2. You’re 1000+ years old. You’ve been rejected. You’re a liar and a skank.

 

big dick god: can you??? get off my dick??

big dick god: im sick of all yall

big dick god: if you were really my subjects, id either send you to the guillotine or force you to listen to minecraftcito for 24 hours

 

satan jacob has rabies: minecraftcito is lowkey a bop

 

big dick god: i

big dick god: its true but he shouldnt say it

 

**big dick god changed the chat name to “a fucking disaster”**

 

slow down grab your bible: he aint wrong

 

big dick god: when am i ever wrong

 

dumb bitch energy: Always

 

big dick disciple: Always.

 

satan jacob has rabies: always

 

big tiddy goth gf: always

 

big dick god: did yall really have to go and do it in unison

big dick god: and suzuno, you’re a lil bitch

big dick god: we dont stan traitors

 

**big dick god changed big dick disciple’s name to snake bitch**

 

snake bitch: I never liked you?

 

big dick god: a snake AND a liar? disgusting

big dick god: honestly, i dont want any of you stank ass bitches as my disciples

big dick god: yall can suck my dick and balls

 

satan jacob has rabies: ok

 

big dick god: wow

big dick god: no tears?

 

big tiddy goth gf: you’re a bitch. we know this, you know this, we’re glad.

 

big dick god: H

 

**big dick god changed their name to yall ugly**

 

dumb bitch energy: Either that’s a vine or you want me to point out all of your flaws and make you cry over group chat

 

big dick god: you seem to forget that im a big boy

big dick god: i odnt cry

 

slow down grab your bible: eye emoji

slow down grab your bible: are you sure abt that

 

big dick god: i hate u and everything that you stand for

 

slow down grab your bible: xoxoxo

 

big dick god: choke


	4. these rappers all afraid o him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yall ugly: lemayo get fucked yall
> 
>  
> 
> satan jacob has rabies: only for u papa uwu rawr xd
> 
>  
> 
> dumb bitch energy: What the fuck
> 
> dumb bitch energy: What the fUCK is goin on in here on this day
> 
>  
> 
> yall ugly: *notices bulgey wulgey* owo? whats this, satan kun????
> 
>  
> 
> slow down grab your bible: refer to my user????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall ugly: urushihara  
> dumb bitch energy: ashiya  
> big tiddy goth gf: chiho  
> slow down grab your bible: emi  
> snake bitch: suzuno  
> satan jacob has rabies: guess ;0

**8 PM**

 

yall ugly: ydo what if me adn chiho swapped tiddy

 

slow down grab your bible: what do u mean “swap”

slow down grab your bible: you dont?? have boobs??

 

yall ugly: its ironic hearing that from you

 

slow down grab your bible: do you want me to walk my ass down there

slow down grab your bible: because i will

 

yall ugly: make sure to tell alas you’re coming all the way down here to bully me for something that isnt my fault

yall ugly: it aint my fault ur flatter than an anime protag’s personality

 

big tiddy goth gf: maybe let’s not continue any conversation that stems from my boob size???

 

yall ugly: ok

yall ugly: so, about MY titties

 

big tiddy goth gf: ill stop u right there

 

yall ugly: I was siTTING THERE

yall ugly: BARBECUE SAUCE ON MY TITTIES

 

snake bitch: Why did reading that cause physical pain?

 

dumb bitch energy: My head literally just retracted into my neck. You’ve caused me to turn into a whole ass turtle, Urushihara. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

 

big tiddy goth gf: that just how it be

 

yall ugly: im so proud of myself

 

slow down grab your bible: why are u like this

 

**yall ugly changed the chat name to titty sauce**

 

slow down grab your bible: _i want admin again_

 

big tiddy goth gf: we all want you to have admin again tbh

 

yall ugly: die mad

yall ugly: lemayo get fucked yall

 

satan jacob has rabies: only for u papa uwu rawr xd

 

dumb bitch energy: What the fuck

dumb bitch energy: What the _fUCK_ is goin on in here on this day

 

yall ugly: *notices bulgey wulgey* owo? whats this, satan kun????

 

slow down grab your bible: refer to my user????

 

yall ugly: owo pray wike ur twyna make youw soul wevival hawder, senpai !!! >////<

 

snake bitch: Am

snake bitch: Am I crying?

 

satan jacob has rabies: *foams at the mouth**bites u* uguu !! x3

 

dumb bitch energy: Thats it

dumb bitch energy: You’re both going outside

dumb bitch energy: Comfort is cancelled since y’all don’t know how to act

 

satan jacob has rabies: this is so rabiesphobic. how dare you.

 

yall ugly: ashiya kun :”(((( dont be a meanie pants!!!

 

big tiddy goth gf: this is so cursed??

 

yall ugly: OwO chii chan!!1!

 

big tiddy goth gf: leave me the fukc alone i have a family

 

yall ugly: wanna be fweeeends??~

 

**big tiddy goth gf has left the chat!**

 

yall ugly; one down, 4 to go. :)

 

satan jacob has rabies: this is so ominous, alexa play bonfire

 

**yall ugly added big tiddy goth gf to the chat!**

 

big tiddy goth gf: die

 

yall ugly: only for u bb <333

 

big tiddy goth gf: h

 

slow down grab your bible: big agree

 

**10 PM**

 

big tiddy goth gf: ok childish gambino, homegirl drop it like the nasdaq

 

yall ugly: _move white girls like there’s coke up my asscrack_

 

big tiddy goth gf: don’t taint donald glover’s name?? disrespectful??

 

yall ugly: literally all i did was exist, what did i?? do to you??

 

big tiddy goth gf: do you rlly wanna ask me that

big tiddy goth gf: bc i got a couple answers

 

yall ugly: understandable

yall ugly: doesn’t mean im not gonna complain about it

 

snake bitch: Of course it doesn’t. Why wouldn’t you?

 

yall ugly: this one gets it!!

yall ugly: congrats, snake bitch

yall ugly: as a reward, you get a promotion

 

snake bitch: Can you pretend that I never said anything?

 

yall ugly: lol bitch u thought

 

**yall ugly changed snake bitch’s name to rat bitch**

 

yall ugly: congratulations!!! :DDD

 

rat bitch: H

 

satan jacob has rabies: me2

  

**11 PM**

 

yall ugly: h elp bonfire is still stukc in y head

 

big tiddy goth gf: :)

 

yall ugly: the humans were the real demons all along

 

satan jacob has rabies: deep

 

dumb bitch energy: not really

 

yall ugly: ha

yall ugly: _deep_

 

satan jacob has rabies: that was a whole ass stretch im

satan jacob has rabies: you literally have no right to brag about your age anymore, you are Prepubescent

 

yall ugly: your mom

 

satan jacob: goodnight


	5. ya no puede caminar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slow down grab your bible: i understand with ashiya, he’s just extra 24/7  
> slow down grab your bible: but urushihara??  
> slow down grab your bible: no effort outside the group chat whatsoever, why tf you doin so much
> 
> yall ugly: gotta do it somewhere  
> yall ugly: since this dumbass universe has laws against murder and i don’t even go out in the first place, this is as good as it gets  
> yall ugly: “murder is objectively wrong! everyone deserves life!” get fucked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall ugly: urushihara  
> dumb bitch energy: ashiya  
> big tiddy goth gf: chiho  
> slow down grab your bible: emi  
> rat bitch: suzuno  
> satan jacob has rabies: guess ;0

**9 PM**

 

yall ugly: I HAVE AN IDEA

 

satan jacob has rabies: vetoed

 

slow down grab your bible: you haven’t even said it and i already hate it.

 

yall ugly: im gonna pretend you didn’t say shit

yall ugly: bc im really making a breakthrough here

 

dumb bitch energy: For some reason, I have trouble believing that, but ok

 

yall ugly: suck my titty maybe???

yall ugly: ok so what im thinking is that we get rich

 

big tiddy goth gf: gotta get a job for that!

 

yall ugly: can u like?? let me finish?? rude bitch??

 

dumb bitch energy: You’re actually the rudest bitch here? That’s hypocritical. :/

 

yall ugly: ok but who asked you??

yall ugly: exactly.

yall ugly: like i was saYING

yall ugly: so we get rich and get like, 20 cars

 

satan jacob has rabies: jesus fucking christ

 

dumb bitch energy: So I was right not to believe you. Good to know.

 

yall ugly: u literally havent let me get the whole idea out yet, shut the fukc up

yall ugly: so we could get a shit ton of servants to go along w ith the 20 cars

yall ugly: and we could all just go into a public place, servants included and beep la cucaracha as loudly as possible with all the cars, but not even at the same time??

yall ugly: like, we just make la cucaracha chaos until we get fined or sth

yall ugly: if we want magic, thats the way to do it, no way for that NOT to work

yall ugly: like, if i was walking outside of a building tryna live my damn life and i just heard a cursed chorus of the fucking roach song, my day, if not my whole year, would be ruined. instant panic just like that.

yall ugly: we get negative energy hella fast

 

rat bitch: How long have you been thinking of this?

 

yall ugly: it actually popped into my head at random at like, 3 AM

yall ugly: thats where all my ideas come from bc who the hell has time to think through elaborate strategies??

yall ugly: its a lot easier to just go with la cucaracha and hope it all works out

 

dumb bitch energy: You’re a demon general. It’s literally your job to think through elaborate strategies?

 

yall ugly: lol gross

yall ugly: nah i just do whatever, strategy’s for bitches

 

slow down grab your bible: suddenly i understand why your army fuckin sucked

 

dumb bitch energy: That’s a lie??

dumb bitch energy: Aren’t we forgettin about Camio and Malacoda???

 

yall ugly; nah

yall ugly: malacoda was a petty bitch, camio is still currently petty bitch

yall ugly: anything they do is invalid because of that

 

satan jacob has rabies: says the petty bitch?

 

yall ugly: the difference with me is that i dont try ;)))

 

satan jacob has rabies: shit, you’re right

 

slow down grab your bible: literally what was the point of having him as your general??

 

yall ugly: because satan only chooses the baddest of bitches as his underlings, check

yall ugly: you know, with the exception of every other general.

 

dumb bitch energy: You’re mostly just bad at the only job you had. ://

 

big tiddy goth gf: what episode of keeping up with the kardashians is this

 

slow down grab your bible: they’re both extra enough to be featured in an episode tbh, im not complaining

slow down grab your bible: snatch !! his !! wig !! bitch!!

 

yall ugly: im kendall, srry boo

 

dumb bitch energy: I only know like, 3 of their names?

dumb bitch energy: Who’s Kendall??

 

yall ugly: where have you been??

 

dumb bitch energy: Off being productive. :)

 

yall ugly: id slap you, but that would be animal abuse ://///

 

dumb bitch energy: Watch your mouth and keep an eye on that PASTA of yours.

dumb bitch energy: Take notes, gremlin :)

 

satan jaob has rabies: can yall like,,, take a break,,,, take a nap,,, fuckin take somethin

 

yall ugly: watch me take the hoe’s title instead :)))) mind ur business bitch :))))

 

dumb bitch energy: _back off my mans snake hoe_

 

rat bitch: Jesus christ.

 

slow down grab your bible: i understand with ashiya, he’s just extra 24/7

slow down grab your bible: but urushihara??

slow down grab your bible: no effort outside the group chat whatsoever, why tf you doin so much

 

yall ugly: gotta do it somewhere

yall ugly: since this dumbass universe has laws against murder and i don’t even go out in the first place, this is as good as it gets

yall ugly: “murder is objectively wrong! everyone deserves life!” get fucked

 

big tiddy goth gf: why didnt you listen when maou said to take a nap

 

yall ugly: i am a GROWN MAN

yall ugly: i dont take naps >:((

 

rat bitch: You’re always asleep??

 

yall ugly: that’s me sleeping in late, not naps

yall ugly: ya bitch is in big boy territory now

 

big tiddy goth gf: sure you are :)

big tiddy goth gf: and i’m a toddler.

 

yall ugly: well, you know what they say

yall ugly: googoo gaga

 

satan jacob has rabies: what you say*

 

yall ugly: you are literally a FETUS shut up

 

dumb bitch energy: you make dick jokes out of literally everything

dumb bitch energy: you’re not allowed to call yourself a grown man, it doesn’t matter how old you say u are

 

yall ugly: you’re always on my dcIck this is bULLYING

 

rat bitch: Is it truly bullying if you deserve it?

 

slow down grab your bible: wifey has spoken, anything anyone else says is invalid

 

yall ugly: wifey can suck my wiggly dick

 

big tiddy goth gf: it time. he’s gone too far.

big tiddy goth gf: kill him

 

yall ugly: kinky

 

dumb bitch energy: ?

dumb bitch energy: ???

dumb bitch energy: ??????????

 

satan jacob has rabies: i agree wholeheartedly. you’re doing amazing sweetie.

 

dumb bitch energy: I have to apologize, all my uwus just escaped

 

yall ugly: yo what the fcku

yall ugly: stop that

 

satan jacob has rabies: uwuwuwuwu

 

yall ugly: stinky and invalid

 

dumb bitch energy: No u

 

yall ugly: ( in whcih i reenact the ending of infinity war )

 

dumb bitch energy: Wait, but how did Infinity War end??

 

satan jacob has rabies: oh....

satan jacob has rabies: sweetie im so sorry......

 

dumb bitch energy: _and how did you have the money to see it_

 

yall ugly: ha

yall ugly: its funny you think i pay for movies

yall ugly: lmao i just pirate shit, you thought

 

dumb bitch energy: I can respect that. Gang gang.

 

yall ugly: as they say, “esketit”

 

slow down grab your bible: this is so fucking cursed

 

**11 PM**

 

slow down grab your bible: can i be real for a sec

 

big tiddy goth gf: whats goin on? :D

 

slow down grab your bible: that

slow down grab your bible: that shit right there

slow down grab your bible: stop that

 

big tiddy goth gf: ??????

 

slow down grab your bible: you’re a whole goddess?? fucking,, stop it??

slow down grab your bible: you’re too good for this world, just,,, run and never return to this shitshow

slow down grab your bible: you don’t deserve it

 

big tiddy goth gf: it’s not like im perfect or anything???? im just a human uwu

 

yall ugly: literally shut the fuck up sasaki

 

big tiddy goth gf: should i thank you or should i fight you????

 

yall ugly: you’re too nice on the grounds that you haven’t fucking decked me yet

yall ugly: the hell is up

 

slow down grab your bible: do you?? want her to deck you??

 

yall ugly: _yes_

yall ugly: just,,,, can you stop??? being perfect??? i fucking hate you??? just hit me for being a bitch ONE TIME so i can hold it against you and act like you were in the wrong jsut aioJZKSjfkjks  
yall ugly: @rat bitch you too, you’re both the worst

 

dumb bitch energy: Alright, but what about me

 

yall ugly: god, im so glad i remembered to @ all of the pure and good people in this chat

 

dumb bitch energy: _Bitch, what about me_

 

yall ugly: I don’t speak pussy, sorry ashiya

 

satan jacob has rabies: oi back off my homie >:(

 

yall ugly: satan jacob is over party

yall ugly: he just said the word homie, fuckin kill him

 

slow down grab your bible: finally, ive been waiting for an excuse to

 

satan jacob has rabies: :(

 

rat bitch: Wait, why am I included? I’ve already expressed my dislike for you.

 

yall ugly: yeah, but im an asshole ;))

yall ugly: chi has suggested killing me like, 71 different times in the chat

 

big tiddy goth gf: O O F

 

slow down grab your bible: at least he has sense.

 

rat bitch: Then I guess it’s only polite to thank you.

 

yall ugly: in conclusion: you both suck. choke.

 

rat bitch: What an astounding writer.

 

yall ugly: back up, bitch, i dont like u like that

 

rat bitch: Did you not just mention how much you liked me?

 

yall ugly: No, i mentioned how you’re disgustingly pure and I despise you.

 

satan jacob has rabies: i dont think you know how this works

 

yall ugly: no u

 

satan jacob has rabies: well, can’t argue with that

 

 

**3 AM**

 

yall ugly: pee sauce

 

rat bitch: Pee sauce?

 

yall ugly: pee sauce

 

slow down grab your bible: pee sauce????

 

yall ugly: _pee sauce_

 

satan jacob has rabies: literally shtut the fuck up ti is 3 AM ai dont have time for yall

 

yall ugly: sounds like someone doesn’t have the pee sauce

 

satan jacob has rabies: _what the fuck does that mean_

 

yall ugly: :)

 

satan jacob has rabies: i m just gonan pretend you didnt say shit,,,,,

 

yall ugly: good :)

 

slow down grab your bible: h

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like its impossible for someone not to notice how fuckin,, perfect chi and suzuno are,,,  
> like, urushihara antagonizes evryone a lot but Shit, no one can NOT notice it, no matter what?? its such an in your face thing??? they're the sweetest and im surprised everyone hasnt made a protection squad for them


	6. suzuno hits a fat dab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yall ugly: ( my dick rises out of my pants and grows into a snake )
> 
> yall ugly: my dick: sss ss ss bictch
> 
>    
> big tiddy goth gf: *my titties grow and suffocate ur shrimp dick*
> 
> big tiddy goth gf: my tits: bbboign
> 
>    
> satan jacob has rabies: wjhy are you guys awake aand why is this what you do at 3 AM im so fucking scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall ugly: urushihara  
> dumb bitch energy: ashiya  
> big tiddy goth gf: chiho  
> slow down grab your bible: emi  
> rat bitch: suzuno  
> satan jacob has rabies: guess ;0

5 PM

 

slow down grab your bible: did you know that toes in spanish is “dedos de los pies” which directly translates to “fingers of the feet”

 

yall ugly: sometimes you just gotta stretch your feet fingers

yall ugly: that just how it be

 

dumb bitch energy: Why are Spanish speaking countries so far ahead of everyone else language-wise?

 

satan jacob has rabies: its official. the devil’s castle now speaks spanish and only spanish. the secret passcode to enter the house is now “finger feet”

 

**yall ugly changed the chat name to "feet fingers"!**

big tiddy goth gf: :D

 

yall ugly: des

yall ugly: pa

yall ugly: cito

 

big tiddy goth gf: D:

big tiddy goth gf: take itb ack

big tiddy goth gf: dont enable him

 

rat bitch: I’m quite frankly disappointed in you, Hanzo-dono.

 

satan jacob has rabies: right?? idk why he’s gotta be like this

 

rat bitch: Despacito 3 is very clearly superior to the original.

 

dumb bitch energy: ThahUTsfU CK fin STOOPSDKOFPOK

 

slow down grab your bible: i think i just puked in my mouth

 

yall ugly: i’m so fucking proud of her

 

**yall ugly changed rat bitch’s name to Ultimate Wifey™**

 

Ultimate Wifey™: Finally, a user reflecting my character.

 

big tiddy goth gf: suzuno,,,, no,,,

big tiddy goth gf: why would you betray us

 

Ultimate Wifey™: As they say, “gang gang”

 

satan jacob has rabies: i miscream ign and crying suzuno stop this madness

 

Ulitmate Wifey™: In the words of my only god, Silento, along with the most advanced form of life, Sans Undertale, “now watch me whip.”

 

satan jacob has rabies: let me die

 

dumb bitch energy: Am I allowed to leave? I want to leave.

dumb bitch energy: The only good one has been corrupted and there is no hope.

 

satan jacob has rabies: i encourage that shit tbh.

satan jacob has rabies: run while you still can

 

yall ugly: which is never, considering that you know i’ll add ur ass right back in

 

slow down grab your bible: there is no escape.

slow down grab your bible: im protecting alas as best as i can before she can be exposed to this Disease.

 

yall ugly: make sure to remind alas=ramus to hit a fat dab before she goes to bed tonight uwu

 

slow down grab your bible: i’d rather die!

 

big tiddy goth gf: this chat history is gonna make me want to die, lets be honest here

 

slow down grab your bible: wifey is over party

 

yall ugly: she just got started ;000

 

big tiddy goth gf: quick, everyone leave, he might forget our numbers

 

yall ugly: lmao you wish

 

slow down grab your bible: i also wish that you’d drop dead sometimes, but i guess you didnt need to know that

 

yall ugly: lemayo we been knew

 

satan jacob has rabies: everyone does, it’s getting to the point where it can be a relatable post.

 

dumb bitch energy: My goal is to get a couple thousand likes on a post just by saying “lms to kill urushihara”

 

yall ugly: i can be the first person to like uwu, ill kickstart your career

 

dumb bitch energy: Don’t uwu at me ever again unless you want to wake up without a left eyebrow.

 

yall ugly: i could make it work

yall ugly: sign me up

 

slow down grab your bible: Imagining it is honestly pretty damn terrifying.

slow down grab your bible: do it, pussy

 

yall ugly: wow thanks

 

slow down grab your bible: anything for you bb xoxo

 

yall ugly: unless you’re hidin a whole dick under that skirt, take that xoxo back immediately

 

slow down grab your bible: ill leave youliving your life in suspense

slow down grab your bible: figure it out

 

yall ugly: p-papi emi??

 

slow down grab your bible: ok stop

 

 

7 PM

 

dumb bitch energy: WhY Do GOod gIrlS Lik E BAd GuYS

dumb bitch energy: I’vE HAd thiS QUestION FOr a rEAl lOng tIMe

 

yall ugly: bitch stop??

 

dumb bitch energy: I’m a bAD BOy anD IT;s plAIN TO sEe

dumb bitch energy: So whY DO GooD GirLS Fall in lOVE WIth Me

 

yall ugly: maou, kill him

 

satan jacob has rabies: I actually considered it for half a second

satan jacob has rabies: ive never been more disappointed in him

 

Ultimate Wifey™: I’m always at least somewhat disappointed in every resident of the Devil’s Castle, I don't feel much of a difference.

 

big tiddy goth gf: Urushihara was right to change Suzuno’s name the second time. This chat is full of snakes and rat bitches.

big tiddy goth gf: Dis! gus! ting!

 

slow down grab your bible: ^^ fat ass retweet

slow down grab your bible: @satan i shoulda killed ur ass when i first got to earth

 

yall ugly: honestly?? agree???

 

satan jacob has rabies: keep on sayin that abt the man who’s underling is the man who feeds you, watch your dinner be a cucumber

 

yall ugly: my tunnel loves to deepthroat

 

satan jacob has rabies: nevermind

satan jacob has rabies: ur just gonna fuckin starve

 

yall ugly: Did y’all know that if I had to choose out of all of you, I’d vore Maou?

 

satan jacob has rabies: is

satan jacob has rabies: is that sexual??? is that a threat???

 

yall ugly: i can adapt to either one tbh

 

satan jacob has rabies: how about neither

 

yall ugly: >:(((

 

satan jacob has rabies: :)

 

dumb bitch energy: press f to pay respects

 

slow down grab your bible: nah

 

yall ugly: then die

 

**3 PM**

 

yall ugly: ( my dick rises out of my pants and grows into a snake )

yall ugly: my dick: sss ss ss bictch

 

big tiddy goth gf: *my titties grow and suffocate ur shrimp dick*

big tiddy goth gf: my tits: bbboign

 

satan jacob has rabies: wjhy are you guys awake aand why is this what you do at 3 AMim so fucking scared

 

yall ugly: i was planning to summon this universe’s satan by using my magnum dong

yall ugly: since chiho went and suffocated my master penis, however, she’s doing to have to do the honors

 

big tiddy goth gf: can i take it bakc

 

yall ugly: no

yall ugly: along with this, you’re gonna have to call him a bitch in my name

 

big tiddy goth gf: ill remember that.

 

yall ugly: thank ou

yall ugly: godonight

 

**5 AM**

 

yall ugly: you ever think about how the government blatantly lies about the existence of distinguished gays

 

dumb bitch energy: No??

dumb bitch energy: I’d take your phone if i wasn’t interested in what you had to say.

 

yall ugly: you could just,,, talk to me,,,, like a normal functioning human being

 

dumb bitch energy: Pot, meet kettle

 

yall ugly: damn, you right

 

dumb bitch energy: Continue.

 

yall ugly: the government made up distinguished gays to make real gays look bad.

yall ugly: any real gay knows that being a fucking disaster is an inherent trait in the community, none of us have our shit together.

yall ugly: this makes it look like we don’t have an excuse for being total fucking messes, the slick bastards

 

dumb bitch energy: Im takign notes, I don’t know what I’m going to do with the information, but it’ll be there.

dumb bitch energy: Hand over the phone.

 

yall ugly: ivek made many mstakes in my time and sending that message was one of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back to "disappointment: the chatfic"  
> im multitasking between this story and doing all of the inktober art days before it actually comes up, but im not doing my homework, which actually has a definite due date and will affect me for longer than a month  
> my priorities? gay


	7. ashiya prolly wants it that way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dumb bitch energy: Wow, my dick just deflated
> 
>  
> 
> big tiddy goth gf: what is this implying
> 
> big tiddy goth gf: wht is thsi implying he lp
> 
>  
> 
> yall ugly: if u had big dick energy, youd know
> 
>  
> 
> big tiddy goth gf: just fukcin,, pee ur pants,,,
> 
>  
> 
> yall ugly: uno reverse
> 
>  
> 
> big tiddy goth gf: oh no,,, my pants !!
> 
> big tiddy goth gf: they haev the Pee
> 
>  
> 
> Ultimate Wifey™: Sometimes I wonder, “why are we still here, just to suffer?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall ugly: urushihara  
> dumb bitch energy: ashiya  
> big tiddy goth gf: chiho  
> slow down grab your bible: emi  
> Ultimate Wifey™: suzuno  
> satan jacob has rabies: guess ;0

**3 PM**

 

yall ugly: yo why the fuck dont we have a dog

 

satan jacob has rabies: we’re living in poverty, urushihara

 

yall ugly: >:((( sell ashiya then

 

satan jacob has rabies: tempting, but no

 

dumb bitch energy: Why did that actually hurt to read?

 

yall ugly: bc your a BITcH

 

slow down grab your bible: you’re*

 

yall ugly: suck my dick*

 

big tiddy goth gf: urushihara has shrimp dick energy txt it

 

yall ugly: shuth the ufck up, your beach ball titties are probably throttling YOur big dick energy

 

big tiddy goth gf: mega h

 

Ultimate Wifey™: I can confirm that Chiho-dono has the biggest of dick energy.

Ultimate Wifey™: Much larger than that of yours’, Hanzo-dono.

 

yall ugly: keep talkin bitch, watch u get a taste of my big dick energy

 

slow down grab your bible: wjhy does that sound weirdly flirtatious, i hate that

 

yall ugly: i am disguste,d i am revolted, i dedicat emy entire life to our lord and savior, the gay agenda and this is the thakns i get

 

big tiddy goth gf: You can’t spell lmao

 

yall ugly: and you can’t mind your own business bitch??? sit the hell down???

yall ugly: chi-a-hoe lookin ass

 

satan jacob has rabies: coming from yourself, a well known hoe, that shouldn’t mean much to anyone

 

yall ugly: i

yall ugly: this is a hate crime

yall ugly: im literally in tears

 

satan jacob has rabies: we’re literally right across the room from you, you’re a shit liar

satan jacob has rabies: don’t try to fake it now, it’s too late for u

 

yall ugly: im literaLLY TIREd Of YOru ass

yall ugly: we dont stan liars

 

dumb bitch energy: Like yourself.

dumb bitch energy: I am ALSO in the same room as you

 

yall ugly: ashiya shut the fuck up, you are a DICKRIDER and therefore anything you say is INVALId

 

dumb bitch energy: You’re a top.

 

yall ugly: nevermind, you’re a blessing to this world and the only thing right in my life, i’d die for you

 

satan jacob has rabies: smh, so you’re just gonna lie to his face @ ashiya ?

 

yall ugly: of course you wouldnt know a top when you see one, you ARE a bottom bitch

 

satan jacob has rabies: you’re a mega twink, are you fr

 

slow down grab your bible: wh ysi this a conversation that’s happenign

slow down grab your bible: why do i have to be present while this is going on

 

big tiddy goth gf: maybe if we leave the chat, urushihara will be so distracted, he wont add us back right after

 

yall ugly: why dont you try it out :))))) maybe i can involve yall in the conversation after that since you’re so disinterested :))

 

slow down grab your bible: you’re a monster

 

yall ugly: more like MONSTER DICK ENERGY

 

satan jacob has rabies: why would you say something so controversial, yet so brave?

 

dumb bitch energy: Why am I your underling? Why are you like this in the first place?

 

Ultimate Wifey™: Would it be appropriate to say “Top 10 Questions Scientists Still Can’t Answer”?

 

yall ugly: yes it would, ur doing amazing sweetie

yall ugly: look at that yall, she’s learning

 

slow down grab your bible: I know! its terrifying and i hate it

 

big tiddy goth gf: save suzuno 2k18

 

 

**5 PM**

 

yall ugly: you are,,,, my fire,,,,

 

Ultimate Wifey™: ?

 

big tiddy goth gf: the one…. desireedd…

 

satan jacob has rabies: believe.. when i say

 

Ultimate Wifey™: ????

 

slow down grab your bible: i want it that way

 

Ultimate Wifey™: Oh my god.

Ultimate Wifey™: So all of you are disasters. I’ll make note of that.

 

yall ugly: teLL ME WHY

 

dumb bitch energy: Is this the fucking backstreet boys

 

satan jacob has rabies: aIN’T NOTHIN BUT A HEARTACHE

 

Ultimate Wifey™: I’m sure everyone in this chat has said this at some point, but I honestly regret not killing you @ Sadao-dono.

 

satan jacob has rabies: tbh, i still stan

 

yall ugly: that’s completely rational. suzuno could destroy everything ive ever loved and id manage to be proud of her

 

big tiddy goth gf: did you really have to kill the backstreet boys chain?

 

yall ugly: its one of my many regrets, somewhere up there with being conceived

 

slow down grab your bible: i completely understand and you’re 100% valid

 

yall ugly: uwu thank u emi tan xDD

 

slow down grab your bible: ok

 

yall ugly: w-w-w-wwhats wrong emi tan? OwO

 

slow down grab your bible: since i’m not allowed to leave the chat, i just plan to step away from my phone and never look back.

 

satan jacob has rabies: good choice.

 

 

**10 PM**

 

yall ugly: you ever think about how ants could take over the world if they really felt like it??

 

Ultimate Wifey™: No. I’m surprised that you care, considering the fact that magic beats ants by default.

 

yall ugly: idk man, im just hella pressed that ants could beat us to it if they wanted to

 

satan jacob has rabies: and how would they do that???

 

yall ugly: ants outnumber humans by a shit ton and they’re rlly hard to kill??? the humans are ripe for the enslaving, dude

 

big tiddy goth gf: shit

big tiddy goth gf: S H I T

 

yall ugly: lmao press f to pay respects

 

slow down grab your bible: not if ur the one who wants me to lol

 

yall ugly: give! me! a! break!

 

slow down grab your bible: you look like you eat kit kats the wrong way, dont talk to me abt breaks

 

yall ugly: i should start out of pure spite

yall ugly: catch me in the corner of your room at 12 PM biting into a kit kat

 

satan jacob has rabies: why is there not a horror movie based on that???

 

dumb bitch energy: Filmmakers are dirty cowards, that’s why.

 

big tiddy goth gf: there’s no other option. we have to revolt.

 

yall ugly: how about instead of taking over the world, we take over the movie industry and just make better movies??

 

slow down grab your bible: now THAT i’d support

slow down grab your bible: why aren’t you the king?

 

yall ugly: hell if i know, unlike maou, i know what im doing so,,

 

dumb bitch energy: i think u got it mixed up sweetie

 

yall ugly: ashiya shut ur whore mouth, if i watch you cry on maou’s shoulder abt spilling a glass of water or some shit one more time im gonna jump out of a window

 

dumb bitch energy: low blow. like, as low as your height, i’d say.

 

yall ugly: BItchkHSILFHJLAJFLKDSJKLGFAJL;ajflksdajflk

 

**yall ugly changed the chat name to “press f to pay respects”!**

 

dumb bitch energy: shitvGDHG OD SDAMDNn

 

slow down grab your bible: lmao rip

 

big tiddy goth gf: rest in severed pieces lol

 

satan jacob has rabies: as a bystander, i can confirm that ashiya is fucking dead

 

dumb bitch energy: bring snacks to my funeral

 

slow down grab your bible: lol as if im goin

slow down grab your bible: get fucked

 

dumb bitch energy: Wow, my dick just deflated

 

big tiddy goth gf: what is this implying

big tiddy goth gf: _wht is thsi implying he lp_

 

yall ugly: if u had big dick energy, youd know

 

big tiddy goth gf: just fukcin,, pee ur pants,,,

 

yall ugly: uno reverse

 

big tiddy goth gf: oh no,,, my pants !!

big tiddy goth gf: they haev the Pee

 

Ultimate Wifey™: Sometimes I wonder, “why are we still here, just to suffer?”

 

yall ugly: big ass mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im updating my notes to promote my quotev account bc Fuck You thats why
> 
> thank u for reading, im love u sm


	8. in which urushihara is a gremlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yall ugly: we must riot against our oppressor. the one in power is CORRUPT.
> 
> yall ugly: we must take him down
> 
>  
> 
> satan jacob has rabies: literally shut the fuck up
> 
> satan jacob has rabies: i didnt let you have ice cream because you already ate a whole tub
> 
>  
> 
> yall ugly: he’s exposed himself for the mONSTer he is !!
> 
> yall ugly: take! him! down!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall ugly: urushihara  
> dumb bitch energy: ashiya  
> big tiddy goth gf: chiho  
> slow down grab your bible: emi  
> Ultimate Wifey™: suzuno  
> satan jacob has rabies: guess ;0

**6 PM**

 

yall ugly: ashiya is literally the most of all in every situation

yall ugly: its really fuckin depressing

 

satan jacob has rabies: being able to see this and just.. understand… says so much about him

 

yall ugly: “so much” you mean his entire personality?

 

dumb bitch energy: Leave me alone?? God damn???

 

yall ugly: as a god, i refuse

 

slow down grab your bible: that’s offensive to gods.

 

yall ugly: wow, yall bullyin me, but ashiya called me a young whippersnapper like, 10 minutes ago

 

dumb bitch energy: It was ironic, let me live my fucking LIFE

 

satan jacob has rabies: saying that it was ironic only makes it seem less ironic.

satan jacob has rabies: u played yourself

 

big tiddy goth gf: how old are you though????

 

dumb bitch energy: Smdh don’t you know it’s rude to ask a lady her age? Nasty

dumb bitch energy: My usage of the word was perfectly acceptable and you guys are just incredibly rude.

dumb bitch energy: I’ve been supporting all of you for months and the fact that you’d turn on me like this is honestly so disrespectful.

dumb bitch energy: Show me some support, Suzuno.

 

Ultimate Wifey™: I’ve been frequently reminded that my behaviors are quite old fashioned in today’s times,

Ultimate Wifey™: but knowing the word “whippersnapper” left your mouth still manages to make me immensely disappointed.

 

dumb bitch energy: i

 

yall ugly: and how u gon lie about how you’ve been supporting us for months

yall ugly: you’ve been on maou’s dick for months* you mean, you’re a bitch

 

dumb bitch energy: “i” but louder

 

**yall ugly changed dumb bitch energy’s name to The Chad™**

 

slow down grab your bible: if the trademarks become a running theme with the names, im leaving

 

**yall ugly changed slow down grab your bible’s name to That Bitch™**

 

That Bitch™: Honestly?? just

That Bitch™: go fucking… get hit by a bus

 

yall ugly: thank you for admitting that i am the regina george of this group chat

 

The Chad™: Is that really a good thing?

 

yall ugly: questioning my authority is gonna land ur ass straight into the burn book

yall ugly: watch it, skank

 

big tiddy goth gf: honestly, go off???

yall ugly: i’ve found my gretchen !!

 

big tiddy goth gf: uwu thats so fetch

 

The Chad™: No… she’s been tainted…

 

satan jacob has rabies: someone, save the poor, naive chiho

 

**yall ugly changed big tiddy goth gf’s name to Jewish Princess Jesus**

 

That Bitch™: what is the context im sctreaming

 

yall ugly: eyes emoji

 

satan jacob has rabies: the fact that he’s warning you himself says so much

satan jacob has rabies: u might want to drop it

 

That Bitch™: i had the feeling i should

 

 

**8 PM**

 

**yall ugly changed the chat name to “The Revolutionaries”!**

 

yall ugly: it is time

 

big tiddy goth gf: oh god

 

yall ugly: we must riot against our oppressor. the one in power is CORRUPT.

yall ugly: we must take him down

 

satan jacob has rabies: literally shut the fuck up

satan jacob has rabies: i didnt let you have ice cream because you already ate a whole tub

 

yall ugly: he’s exposed himself for the _mONSTer_ he is !!

yall ugly: take! him! down!

 

That Bitch™: as maou said

That Bitch™: literally shut the fuck up

 

yall ugly: shut your trap emi, you’re just rabiesphobic

 

satan jacob has rabies: literally refer to my name

 

yall ugly: shti

 

**yall ugly changed satan jacob has rabies’ name to satan jacob is rabiesphobic**

 

yall ugly: whwats your defense now, bitch

yall ugly: thats what i thought

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: ive never been more disappointed to have you as one of my roommates and one of my generals

 

**yall ugly changed their name to wabies pwide uwu**

 

The Chad™: Immediate exile.

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: eternal torture

 

That Bitch™: the flames of this world’s hell are in order.

 

wabies pwide uwu: this is what i was tawking about >M<

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: ( melts like the fucking wicked witch of the west )

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: you’re fired

 

wabies pwide uwu: uwu cant fire the unempwoyed

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: ok you know what, you’re in time out

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: get on top of the fridge, get up there

 

The Chad™: KM SCREAMINg this bitch is literally on top of the fridge

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: wow is that clint barton

 

wabies pwide uwu: this house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE

 

That Bitch™: ??? hwo did he reach?? he’s a gremlin??

 

wabies pwide uwu: pull up on my block again btcih, watch me jump you from this fridge

 

Ultimate Wifey™: That sounds unbelievably terrifying on Emi’s end.

Ultimate Wifey™: Especially so with that user.

 

wabies pwide uwu: that’s the effect it was supposed to have

wabies pwide uwu: ur on thin fucking ice miss

wabies pwide uwu: fuckign tall people need to get off my dick

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: she’s literally just 5’3

 

wabies pwide uwu: fuCKING TALL PEople

wabies pwide uwu: shut up u mf giant, i dont wanna hear shit from u

 

The Chad™: It is in no way sire’s fault that ur a massive twink

 

wabies pwide uwu: i may have let you off last time with a warning neck

wabies pwide uwu: but ur on thin ice as well, take that shit back

 

The Chad™: ;))) Come up and do something when you can reach my face

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: IMM m

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: what idd he dp???

 

wabies pwide uwu: he’s my bitch now

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: urushihara just,,, jumped on his back,,, ok,,,

 

The Chad™: What the hell am i supposed to do with this??

 

wabies pwide uwu: submit

 

That Bitch™: kinky

 

wabies pwide uwu: i plan to become a staple of the dominatrix porn category

 

satan jacob has rabies: its been a couple hundred years and i never knew urushihara was a trap

satan jacob has rabies: what a wacky world we live in

 

That Bitch™: the fact that you said that and i actually thought you were serious for a second saysso much

 

wabies pwide uwu: cut the shit b4 i cut u

 

The Chad™: Can you even get down from my back on your own?

 

wabies pwide uwu: no

wabies pwide uwu: stop laguHGIng u traitor bitch, help me down

 

The Chad™: Suffer. :)

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: you played yourself :))

 

wabies pwide uwu: chiho i will SUCK YOUR DICK sshut UP

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: was,, that supposed to be threatening ro what????

Jewish Princess Jesus: what direction was that trying to take??

 

wabies pwide uwu: i actually dont know myself, can u spare my feeligns and go with it

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: whatever u say

 

wabies pwide uwu: xoxo

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: even my dokis are doki-ing

 

That Bitch™: chi, im sorry, but… ew…

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: i understand and accept your criticisms.

 

The Chad™: wow she’s better than you already

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: a nD he’s down

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: lol rip

 

wabies pwide uwu: i preferred busting my ass to making contact with u for another second

 

The Chad™: whatever you say, young whippersnapper

 

wabies pwide uwu: ive never wanted to kick you from the chat more


	9. halloween is ruined lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> satan jacob is rabiesphobic: hellOOoo internet and welcome to behind the meme where we take a look at the meaning and origin of your favorite memes and trends.
> 
> satan jacob is rabiesphobic: today we have a look at: urushihara’s death by harambe dick
> 
>  
> 
> Jewish Princess Jesus: was that really a good way to phrase it?
> 
>  
> 
> satan jacob is rabiesphobic: no. i regretted it as soon as i sent it.
> 
>  
> 
> calcium boye: u should be ashamed.
> 
> satan jacob is rabiesphobic: i understand :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> satan jacob is rabiesphobic: maou  
> Jewish Princess Jesus: Chiho  
> wabies pwide uwu: Urushihara  
> That Bitch™: Emi  
> Ultimate Wifey™: Suzuno  
> The Chad™: Ashiya

3 PM

 

wabies pwide uwu: its fucking time

wabies pwide uwu: my halloweenie is out and i am BEATING IT

 

That Bitch™: big mood, but also what the fuck

 

**wabies pwide uwu changed their name to calcium boye**

 

calcium boye: spooky gang, bitch

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: This is not the child I raised

 

calcium boye: you’re right

calcium boye: i raised u p much

calcium boye: :// i just have no clue why ur such a fuckin SQUARE then

 

The Chad™: Did you? Just call him? A square?

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: that was the square-iest thing i’ve ever heard, what a hypocrite

 

calcium boye: im a cool kid and u all are just biased

 

Ultimate Wifey™: Are we the ones calling others in the group chat squares?

Ultimate Wifey™: So far, that only applies to you.

Ultimate Wifey™: You, sir, are a liar.

 

calcium boye: literally eat my assholeew

calcium boye: 2 faced bicth

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: sure, jan

 

calcium boye: your fucking stinky

 

The Chad™: You’re*

 

calcium boye: meet me in the mgronalds parking lot fuckface*

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: adn have kisaki on my ass for not wanting to break it up?? absolutely not

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: go to sentucky or sth, i dont give a shit

 

calcium boye: mgronalds is the only acceptable place because i aim for your suffering

 

That Bitch™: wow, me fucking too

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: tbr id be the main bitch recording

 

The Chad™: That ain’t it, chief

 

calcium boye: shutu the fuck up, ur ugly and u probably watch piss porn behind maou’s back

 

The Chad™: Literally what did I do

 

calcium boye: smdh so a bitch gon breathe and expect no one to have a problem w/ that??

calcium boye: yall fuckin triflin

 

That Bitch™: smdh he stay doin some annoyin shit

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: congrats! you all managed to make me dread halloween!

Jewish Princess Jesus: i hate u guys! <3333

 

calcium boye: <3333 i hate u too, honey <3333

 

Ultimate Wifey™: Even me? :(

 

calcium boye: oh

calcium boye: my fuckginsogjodijaoj

calcium boye: STOP

 

Ultimate Wifey™: :(((

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: nO, you’re the cutest and i loev you, never frown ever

Jewish Princess Jesus: im literalyl crying have mercy

 

Ultimate Wifey™: :D

 

The Chad™: Am I crying?

 

calcium boye: when are u not crying is the real question

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: didnt you completely lose it that one time when emi told u that u were a jobless bitch w/ no purpose or talents

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: u know, the obvious

 

calcium boye: im willign to cry again out of pure fucking spite, dont test me

calcium boye: ill get my snot and anxiety all over you

 

Ultimate Wifey™: Speaking out of pure honesty, I was rather surprised by the fact that Urushihara showed emotion not driven by spite.

Ultimate Wifey™: I just assumed he was emotionless and willing to kill us all whenever he had the opportunity.

 

calcium boye: i do have murder on my mind 24/7, emotions are the only thing keeping me from chokin yall out

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: wow, thats kinda hot

 

calcium boye: wow, i kinda hope you die

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: me fucking too

 

The Chad™: Lucifer, I just want to let you know that I’m always willing to beat your shrimpy ass if the time comes.

 

calcium boye: wow, i kinda hope you die but this time, its stronger

 

The Chad™: :)

 

calcium boye: he jsut grabebd a knife yall what the fuck

calcium boye: u better stop

calcium boye: bitchs top

calcium boye: aaAAaaAaaa

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: lkjsKLJKLFSJDjlk shishter fucKIN SNAPped

 

The Chad™: You’re making dinner tonight. Chop chop, bitch

 

calcium boye: you’re next, bitch

 

That Bitch™: hey what the fuck

 

Ultimate Wifey™: You’re willing to eat low quality food to teach him a lesson?

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: we are Broke

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: we have 2 options: low quality or slightly lower quality

 

calcium boye: watch me burn the water

calcium boye: whether it be out of spite alone or because i have no clue what im doing, i don fuckin know

calcium boye: its basically halloween and thiS is how u treat me

 

Ultimate Wifey™: Yes. Being around you is suffocating, let us enjoy this.

 

calcium boye: why did my dick just perk up

 

Ultimate Wifey™: In the eloquent words of Emilia, “Hey, what the fuck?”

 

That Bitch™: shakespeare is quaking

  
satan jacob is rabiesphobic: someone get him a blanket

 

That Bitch™: you’re not funny and i hateyou

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: noted

 

 

—

 

**5 PM**

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: *i think about spooky memes and pee my pants*

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: id like to have a talk with your dad, something went wrong

 

calcium boye: ( i take ur pee as a challenge and release MEgAG PEe to display dominance )

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: then i guess theres no need. i already see the problem

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: the only solution is to separate u two

 

calcium boye: good

calcium boye: less competition

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: im glad you acknowledge that im a threat :) im coming for you, btich

 

calcium boye: why am i shaking?

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: :))))))

 

The Chad™: Dicks out for Harambe.

 

calcium boye: oH M YFUCKING GOD SHUT UP

 

That Bitch™: litearllYLY FUCKING DIe

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: i really wish ic ould demote you right now

 

The Chad™: :( Dicks out for Harambe?

 

calcium boye: im goign to fucking cut off your dick, shut up or square up

calcium boye: im gonna choke and die from that meme’s existence

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: hellOOoo internet and welcome to behind the meme where we take a look at the meaning and origin of your favorite memes and trends.

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: today we have a look at: urushihara’s death by harambe dick

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: was that really a good way to phrase it?

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: no. i regretted it as soon as i sent it.

 

calcium boye: u should beashamed.

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: i understand :(

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: yO, if i make another dicks out for harambe joke, will you eventually shrivel up and die

 

calcium boye: idk, try it?

 

Ultimate Wifey™: I hypothesize that Hanzo-dono will die, solely because I will him to.

 

calcium boye: mad respect.

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVk5O_Xi7rc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVk5O_Xi7rc)

 

calcium boye: ive already watched that entire video

 

That Bitch™: but its an hour long?

 

calcium boye: did i stutter? im dedicated to my shit

 

The Chad™: That makes me more depressed than you know.

 

calcium boye: does it? does it really?

 

Ultimate Wifey™: I’m sure Hanzo-dono is as depressed about it as we are.

 

calcium boye: im proud, actually

calcium boye: sometimes i still diddle my fiddle to that video

 

The Chad™: I’m taking your fucking phoene.

The Chad™: You’re a god damn gremlin and I despise you.

 

calcium boye: you can’t take back the fact that my fiddle has already been diddled.

 

That Bitch™: _i cant even tell if he’s serious im shaking and crying_

 

calcium boye: :)

 

That Bitch™: stO!PO im literally goign to die

 

calcium boye: do it pussy

calcium boye: hwaiTI BSCITH

 

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: ok so the phone is now ashiya’s and since urushihara is literally a gremlin, he can’t get it back

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: he read that over my shoulder and told me to suck his dick

satan jacob is rabiesphobic: honestly? thats my life

 

The Chad™: Point Shirō ;))

 

**calcium boye changed their name to Dick Sucker**

**calcium boye changed The Chad™’s name to Winner Winner Chicken Dinner**

**calcium boye changed satan jacob is rabiesphobic’s name to Satan Jacob is Valid**

 

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: i am love ashiya

 

That Bitch™: fucking disgusting. take it back.

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: am give him hug <33

 

That Bitch™: stand back ,i thinK IM GONNa voMIT

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: stinky demons. im offended.

Jewish Princess Jesus: i dont have friends i can be disgusting with, this cant be legal.

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: cuff me, officer.

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Kinky.

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: nevermind. ashiya can choke.

 

That Bitch™: you’re right and you should say it

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: :((

Satan Jacob is Valid: h e y im the only one allowed to promote ashiya choking, get bakc bitch

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: :))

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: Wholesome????

Jewish Princess Jesus: I’m literally not sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo whats this?? an actual fuckin update :00000


	10. the rise of the smurfs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jewish Princess Jesus: bIcITCH IUCFKgni FIGHT ME
> 
> Dick Sucker: srry i cant hear yyou from up here, speak a little louder
> 
> Jewish Princess Jesus: you’RE BARELY TALLER THAN ME, SHUT YOUr fuck UP
> 
> That Bitch™: wow, the shorties are interacting,,, fascinating,,,
> 
> Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: haha  
> Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: ants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dick Sucker: urushihara  
> Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: ashiya  
> Jewish Princess Jesus: chiho  
> That Bitch™: emi  
> Ultimate Wifey™: suzuno  
> Satan Jacob is Valid: maou

1 PM

 

Dick Sucker: ( default dances into the chat )

Dick Sucker: merry christmas bitches

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: It’s november

 

Dick Sucker: _i said merry christmas_

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: u rushin into christmas like we actually gettin you shit lmao

Satan Jacob is Valid: ur getting a sweater and nothing else

 

Dick Sucker: um bitch??? wheres ur christmas spirit??

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: i work at mgronalds. what do u expect??

 

Dick Sucker: a puppy, a crown, multiple video game posters, chadwick boseman himself, rk800 cosplay, probably a dragon dildo

 

That Bitch™: delete it

That Bitch™: delete it right the fuck now

 

Dick Sucker: rawr ;)

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: i need a break from living for like, 2 days. when i come back, urushihara better be dead.

 

Dick Sucker: wow, sounds festive

Dick Sucker: im in.

 

Ultimate Wifey™: You play with them balls like it’s FIFA

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Oh my fucking god, STOP

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Urushihara, kick her, please.

 

Dick Sucker: why would i kick the only known intellectual from this chat?

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: i hate the fact that u live with me

 

Dick Sucker: shots fired, you’re fired

Dick Sucker: ur washed up, ur retired

 

That Bitch™: yoooo do you think that mitsuki could like,,, call the moon to vore urushihara

 

Dick Sucker: sounds sexy

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: im shaiking and cryign nto thsi cant be reald thye woudl never

 

Dick Sucker: :-) cry harder, bitch baby

Dick Sucker: i’ll be on ur ass even when im inside the moon’s vore belly

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Stop this madness

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Please, just leave him alone, he makes the money in this house

 

Dick Sucker: does he suck dick for a foreign car though?

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: why do you fucking know the lyrics off the top of your head im so mad

Jewish Princess Jesus: i hope you get kickedi nto the fucking sun

 

Dick Sucker: can’t get kicked into the sun if i’m already in the moon’s stomach, srry sweetie 3:

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: i will ocome over there u peice of shit dont test me

 

Dick Sucker: piece*

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: bIcITCH IUCFKgni FIGHT ME

 

Dick Sucker: srry i cant hear yyou from up here, speak a little louder

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: you’RE BARELY TALLER THAN ME, SHUT YOUr fuck UP

 

That Bitch™: wow, the shorties are interacting,,, fascinating,,,

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: haha

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: ants

 

Dick Sucker: epic shorties rise up

Dick Sucker: beanpoles owned epic style

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: ow

 

Dick Sucker: silence, beanpole

Dick Sucker: i dont talk to PEASAnts

 

Ultimate Wifey™: If being of short stature gives you a higher status, does that make me the new Queen?

 

**Dick Sucker changed Ultimate Wifey™’s name to short stack sovereign**

 

Dick Sucker: congratulations, ur majesty

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: r we gonna ignore the fact that im a king

 

Dick Sucker: not anymore STRING BEAN

 

short stack sovereign: Thank you, Hanzo-dono. I will use my power wisely.

short stack sovereign: The national anthem of my subjects will, of course, be Hit or Miss.

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: your leader is corrupt

 

That Bitch™: if this is my ruler, im moving

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: ok so i just listened to hit or miss again and i

Jewish Princess Jesus: the chorus is kinda good?? like, lowkey???

 

That Bitch™: chiho... sweetie, no...

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: l o o k the beat goes hard

 

short stack sovereign: Ah, I see that you are a smurf of culture as well.

short stack sovereign: You shall be my second in command.

 

That Bitch™: this is why I have trust issues. chi, you’re a traitor

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: :) you should’ve known

 

Dick Sucker: top 10 anime betrayals

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: anYWAy i gotta go to class, so like,,

Jewish Princess Jesus: see u never, pretzel sticks

 

Dick Sucker: how should i feel about being called a pretzel stick

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: abysmal

 

Dick Sucker: good to know. i wil cry now.

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: ha. bitch.

 

Dick Sucker: i will tug your dick out of its dick socket, dont pull that shit with me

 

That Bitch™: what he fuck is a DICK SOCket, i <M???

 

Dick Sucker: mind ur fuckin business b4 i do the same thing with YOUR dick

 

That Bitch™: thats terrifying

 

Dick Sucker: g o o d

 

**6 PM**

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: frehs pair of sneaks wit a designer belt

Satan Jacob is Valid: pease watch your step cause im feelin myself

Satan Jacob is Valid: throw a flag on the play

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Shut the fuck up

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: :(

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Shut The Fuck Up

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: :((((( ok, fuckface

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Thank u, Mr. 4 Inches :D

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: im calling the police

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: take me in officew meow >///<

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: stop

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: uwu ive been a vewy nawty cwiminaw !! >/////<

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: you’re the worst and i hope u choke on prison soap

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: anyting for uwu, officew meow !! ;33

 

**Satan Jacob is Valid has left the chat!**

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: @Dick Sucker add him back when u wake up

 

Dick Sucker: i dont sleep

 

**Dick Sucker added Satan Jacob is Valid to the chat!**

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: i just want to LIVE MY LIFE

 

Dick Sucker: not allowed in this society

Dick Sucker: conform or die

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: guess ill die

 

Dick Sucker: rip beanpole. he wont be missed.

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: uwu west in piss, officew meow !!! ill miss uwu vewy much !!!!

 

Dick Sucker: ok so the only option for u is to die though

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: I understand completely.

 

Dick Sucker: epic gamers rise up

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who finally updated??? this bitch  
> this story is basically devolving into me writing down what i think of the most and turning it into a disaster


	11. "bone mann get he succky wuckcy"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That Bitch™: kajflsjkl yall grindin for cash like this is undertale
> 
>  
> 
> Dick Sucker: iwa tn to tocuh sans undertale’s bone penis
> 
>  
> 
> That Bitch™: oh
> 
>  
> 
> short stack sovereign: I have to agree.
> 
>  
> 
> That Bitch™: oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dick Sucker: urushihara  
> Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: ashiya  
> Jewish Princess Jesus: chiho  
> That Bitch™: emi  
> short stack sovereign: suzuno  
> Satan Jacob is Valid: maou

3 PM

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: I just watched maou drink from a bleach bottle and then get up like nothing happened

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Btichw att the fuck

 

That Bitch™: holy shit

That Bitch™: is he gonna die :D

 

Dick Sucker: God I Wish That Were Me

Dick Sucker: hey, if he’s gonna die, can we sell dullahan??

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: i mean, he isn’t puking so,,,

 

That Bitch™: damn

 

short stack sovereign: And with that, my chance of having one less loud roommate disappears.

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: it was fuckign Water, all of u can eat bricks

Satan Jacob is Valid: @suzuno ill remember that. catch me yelling @ 3AM out of pure spite

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: You have a job,,,

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: Job who? never heard of her

 

Dick Sucker: what a fucking king

Dick Sucker: im shaking in my heelies

 

That Bitch™: can u afford heelies though?

 

Dick Sucker: dont fucking rub it in

Dick Sucker: this is why i want maou to die >:(

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: so, you have the choice between getting a fuckin job and letting mr maou die

Jewish Princess Jesus: and you’d let mr maou die

 

Dick Sucker: yea

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: you truly live up to the name dick sucker

 

Dick Sucker: im 5’0 but my throat 6’6

 

short stack sovereign: Oh.

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: That’s a yikes from me dog

 

Dick Sucker: yall r so fuckin stinky

Dick Sucker: @everyone, i have an announcement

Dick Sucker: STOP BULLYING

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: go back to playing fornite u fake bithc

 

Dick Sucker: driNK BLEACH FOR REal this tIME U PUSSY BITCH

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: FIGHT ME

 

Dick Sucker: squaARE! Up!  
Dick Sucker: the law of the land is to never test a hoe. you know this

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: :/// people will follow the law when u get a man

Jewish Princess Jesus: no shade, just facts

 

Dick Sucker: i will literally call up my sugar daddy right fuckgin now

 

That Bitch™: wati

That Bitch™: waIT WH THS t

That Bitch™: there is nO WAY you are ahead of me

 

Dick Sucker: ;)))

Dick Sucker: ive been photoshopping my face onto tayte hanson’s body for 3 months

Dick Sucker: ive got people buyin me shit left and right

Dick Sucker: step your pussy up honey

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: does that,,, count as catfishing,,,

 

Dick Sucker: the real question is

Dick Sucker: do u think i care abt that

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: good point

 

——

 

4 PM

 

Dick Sucker: @everyone

Dick Sucker: my zepeto char is better than all of yalls

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: isnt zepeto the koreaboo central app??

Satan Jacob is Valid: is this rll y what you’re bragging abt??

 

Dick Sucker: they have fortnite dances?? um???  
Dick Sucker: you misspelled cool kid central

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: then why are you there,,,,

 

Dick Sucker: go the ufck to SCHOOl, im tired of u

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: ???? I just ???? got back ????

 

Dick Sucker: im suing the school for forcing me to keep dealin w/ you

Dick Sucker: consume my entire ween

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: chiho’s an angel so,,,, dont waste our money

 

Dick Sucker: w r o n g she targets me adn thats harassment!!!

 

That Bitch™: maybe we can split the funds when he loses??

That Bitch™: and none of it’ll go to the devil’s castle

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: why should we suffer because he’s a bitch,,,

 

That Bitch™: i mean,, he steals money from you guys,,, so,,,

 

Dick Sucker: yall*

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: this is why i target you.

 

Dick Sucker: point taken

 

 

5 PM

 

 

Dick Sucker: guys im literally crying rn

Dick Sucker: holy fucking shit,,,

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: ??? You okay?

 

short stack sovereign: Is something wrong?

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: ok so who are we fighting

 

Dick Sucker: tom hardy is,,, so fucking pretty,,,

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: I wish you died in the snap

 

Dick Sucker: im glad you’ve taken up pirating

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: You can take my foot up your ass

 

Dick Sucker: i understadn that was supposed to be a theat but,,,,

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: that fuckin hurted

 

That Bitch™: i vow to never show any emotion other than raw hatred towards you ever again

 

Dick Sucker: what is this feeling

Dick Sucker: so sudden and new

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: eat ur own dick and choke on it

 

Dick Sucker: that feels like something i could make money off of,,,,

 

That Bitch™: kajflsjkl yall grindin for cash like this is undertale

 

Dick Sucker: iwa tn to tocuh sans undertale’s bone penis

 

That Bitch™: oh

 

short stack sovereign: I have to agree.

 

That Bitch™: _oh._

 

Dick Sucker: bone mann get he succky wuckcy

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: I’m having a whole breakdown over this

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: the first thing i thought of was the fucking “i hate him” tik tok thing

Satan Jacob is Valid: what did yall do to me,,,

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: you’re even saying yall :”))  
Jewish Princess Jesus: just remember that we’ve turned you into a better person

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: my life would be a lot better without memes,,, take it back

 

Dick Sucker: no refunds, suffer like the rest of us

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: disgusting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo whats this?? me actually updating???
> 
> rare, i know  
> i keep getting ideas for this story when im at school and i cant do jack shit about it because i never have my computer??? and then i forget.  
> guess ill die.


	12. uwushihawa hanzowo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That Bitch™: being GENUINE? in THIS chatroom? disgusting. not allowed.
> 
> That Bitch™: id NEVER say im happy for you without finishing it off by calling you ugly. we all know this.
> 
>  
> 
> Dick Sucker: than Shut Your Up, stinky >:(((
> 
>  
> 
> Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Rather bold of you to assume that’s even in emi’s dictionary
> 
>  
> 
> That Bitch™: shut
> 
>  
> 
> Satan Jacob is Valid: >:((( hey >:(((( the only one allowed to tell ashiya to shut is ME
> 
>  
> 
> Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Thank you so much sire,,, my soul meat scepter is only out for you uwu
> 
>  
> 
> Dick Sucker: hey >:(((( its my turn to be the gay one >:((( fuck off weenies
> 
>  
> 
> Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: *unzips pants*
> 
>  
> 
> Satan Jacob is Valid: *unzips pants*
> 
>  
> 
> That Bitch™: *unzips pants*
> 
>  
> 
> chihoe: *unzips pants*
> 
>  
> 
> short stack sovereign: *unzips pants*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the most plot you're getting out of this story Ever

**6 PM**

 

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: yall urushihara is pacing of his Own Free Will and im knda fuckinworried

Satan Jacob is Valid: he’s,,, moving,,,, what fuckign happened,,,,

 

Dick Sucker: Im Right Here?? Um???

Satan Jacob is Valid: oh thank god

Satan Jacob is Valid: tbh my best case scenario was that you got fuckin possessed

 

Dick Sucker: lett me Walk whore,,, god damn,,,,,

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: calm ur dicks?

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: How many dicks do you think he has i,,

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: about 12. maybe 13 on a good day?

 

That Bitch™: we’ve all established that urushihara is some sort of cryptid. what makes you think he’s limited to our pathetic mortal penises?

That Bitch™: he just has. 12 giant tentacles. all fightign for control of who makes the next dick joke.

 

short stack sovereign: Actually, I can confirm that it’s 13-14. The number rises the further you develop.

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: smh leave some tentacle dick for the rest of us? damn?

 

Dick Sucker: haha tht reminds me

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: he just typed out the fucking ha’s, whats happening

Jewish Princess Jesus: this is gonna be a disaster

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: oh my god he just went in the closet for this, holy shit yall

Satan Jacob is Valid: im yellin timber

 

Dick Sucker: ok so. the gay panic is happenign and i dont know what to do about it??? somebody call 911??

Dick Sucker: .

Dick Sucker: shawty fire burnin on the dance lfoor

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: uwOOOOoooo

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: ??? you’re having the gay panic 1400 years in ???

 

Dick Sucker: u can have multiple gay panics, señor straight, its not all just a Repression Panic

Dick Sucker: first time was repressive, secodn time is “holy shit cute boye, crush me”

Dick Sucker: @ emo do they talk shit abt me for The Gay Awakening™ there LAKJFkldsf

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: emo

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: emo

 

Dick Sucker: we can Literally fight in a walmart parking lot.

 

That Bitch™: ( sssniperwolf voice ) yea

 

Dick Sucker: sssniperwolf is a fAKE EMO and we all know it

 

That Bitch™: shes real to ME ok

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: ( emi voice ) p,,,p pretty,,, girgl,,, emio,,,,

 

That Bitch™: shut

 

Dick Sucker: evryone in heaven is a Fake Bitch ?? fuck them ??? fuck heaven ????

Dick Sucker: all of my time from there has been dismissed by my brain as a traumatic memory, not because of what happened there, but because i think i had a crush on mitsupee sawyou or whatever it is he’s callin himself now

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: wait you

Jewish Princess Jesus: yo uhad a crush on the straightest straight boy imaginable an d didnt see a problem??

 

Dick Sucker: here’s the thing: i d ID see a problem

Dick Sucker: u know this

Dick Sucker: i know this

Dick Sucker: but all my primal gay ape brain can do is go “HUASHFKJ HAH HUUAHa HUah PRETTY HUHsfaK” and slam rainbow paint on the walls.

 

short stack sovereign: Firstly, that’s what you’d call a “big mood”, correct?

short stack sovereign: Second of all, you’ve given us an excess of background information, yet we still have no clue what the cause of the gay panic is?

 

Dick Sucker: ah

Dick Sucker: well

Dick Sucker: its the boy reading this right now ;)))

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Delete.

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: delete.

 

Dick Sucker: minus yall.

Dick Sucker: uglies arent included

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: I basically birthed you. So.

 

Dick Sucker: who what when where why how

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: You liv,e,,, in Sire’s Castle, which is mine by extension,,,, your’e a fetus,,,, you have no job,,

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: don’t disrespect your father, son.

 

Dick Sucker: i’m terrified,,,

  
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: hi terrified, im dad

 

Dick Sucker: imFKLFHHUFIDS UFIljflkds

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: u still never said who the guy is ???? um ???

 

Dick Sucker: he’s someone i know online so,, it aint like yall r gonna know him lmao, i dont gotta say

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: he has 420 in his name doesnt he

 

That Bitch™: we been knew. we been knew im disappointed in his lack of taste.

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: you’re literally not allowed to date anyone with 420 in their user, its a show of shit character

 

short stack sovereign: I believe that you deserve better than the options that you’re giving yourself.

 

Dick Sucker: ??? i havent even said if yall were right yet

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: :/

 

Dick Sucker: y

Dick Sucker: yeah you’re right

Dick Sucker: BUT

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: nO BUTS, dump his ass

 

Dick Sucker: we’re not even together,,,,

Dick Sucker: in lieu of the Long Winded Gay Rant™, ill provide you with this argument: “HUASHFKJ HAH HUUAHa HUah PRETTY HUHsfaK” ( slams rainbow paint on the walls )

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: thts a term,,,

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: oh,,,, you’ve been gifted with the Long Winded Gay Rant™??

Jewish Princess Jesus: itneresting.

 

 

Dick Sucker: no,,, theres no way you know,,,, please,,,

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: thats kinda,,, twinky,,,

 

Dick Sucker: no god oh fuck please no

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: kinda,,,,

Jewish Princess Jesus: C U T E.

 

Dick Sucker: iM ON THE GROUDN. SHAKIGN. FEARING FOR MY LIFE. DISTRAUGHT.

Dick Sucker: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS.

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: I actually have no idea what the hell’s going on.

 

Dick Sucker: gay teenage solidarity

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Every time you two open your mouths, it comes out as something that sounds like some sort of secret code. It’s hard to decipher.

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: :) thats the point

 

Dick Sucker: im shaking so hard how did you know

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: “HUASHFKJ HAH HUUAHa HUah HATSUNE MIKU PRETTY HUHsfaK” ( slams green paint on the wall )

 

Dick Sucker: teal*

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: don’t start with me

Jewish Princess Jesus: do not fucking start

Jewish Princess Jesus: leeks are greens and miku likes leeks so miku is gREEN you dumbg ay bitch

 

Dick Sucker: her hair is LITERALLY teal in all decent art

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: well, i guess all decent artists are fuckin UNEDUCATED

 

Dick Sucker: shut the fuck up and stan kaito

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: id rather DIE, gakupo is better

 

Dick Sucker: S H U T.

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: whAT HAPPENED TO PURPLE HAIR SOLIDARITY

 

Dick Sucker: fuCK PURPLE HAIR SOLIDARITY HE’S U G L Y

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: CHOKE AND DIE.

 

Dick Sucker: noT MY FAULT YOUR TASTE IS SHIT.

 

Jewish Princess Jesus: I DONT SPEAK BROKE

 

Dick Sucker: shuT UP, HOMELESS RAT

 

That Bitch™: what the fuck happened

 

**Dick Sucker changed Jewish Princess Jesus’ name to chihoe**

 

chihoe: “uwu daddy penguin” lookin ass

chihoe: kaito’s eating habits are DISGUSTING and hes OLD

 

Dick Sucker: lEAVE. HIM. ALONE

Dick Sucker: YOU LICK BEANPOLE BOOTS AND THATS THE TEA

 

short stack sovereign: ????????

 

Dick Sucker: FUCk outTA HERE KIYOTERU STAN

 

short stack sovereign: I didn’t say anything?

 

Dick Sucker: you wouldnt be having these problems if you stanned kaito ://////

 

That Bitch™: wow,,,, what would ur fuckin bf say about your new anime lover, kaito

 

Dick Sucker: we Both stan kaito because i refuse to associate with dumb bitches !!!

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: weeaboos have no rights !!

 

chihoe: we’re asian

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: weeaboos. have. no rights.

  
Dick Sucker: validi point,,,

 

 

**11 PM**

 

 

Dick Sucker: hFLAKSDJFKLJKLSDFJKJFKldfkljaklfj

 

chihoe: whyare you doing The Thing

chihoe: its 11.

 

Dick Sucker: my reputation as a sugar baby is over. done.

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Finally. I never have to hear you call yourself a sugar baby ever again.

 

Dick Sucker: just because you said that, im still calling myself a sugar baby

Dick Sucker: all my pictures of tayte hanson? deleted

Dick Sucker: guess whos tAKEN, BITCHES

 

That Bitch™: congrats !! im gonna be bitter about you having more game than me for the rest of my life !

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: god damn it, now i gotta give someone who has 420 in their username the shovel talk

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Surely a low point for the devil’s castle,,,

 

short stack sovereign: Congratulations, Hanzo-Dono! I hope you two are happy together!

 

Dick Sucker: suzuno is literally the Only Nice One rn and she’s the fakest bitch in this chat

Dick Sucker: yall fuck off challenge

 

chihoe: we’re all just single and bitter alkjsfdkljklj tbh congrats hoe

 

That Bitch™: being GENUINE? in THIS chatroom? disgusting. not allowed.

That Bitch™: id NEVER say im happy for you without finishing it off by calling you ugly. we all know this.

 

Dick Sucker: than Shut Your Up, stinky >:(((

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Rather bold of you to assume that’s even in emi’s dictionary

 

That Bitch™: shut

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: >:((( hey >:(((( the only one allowed to tell ashiya to shut is ME

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Thank you so much sire,,, my soul meat scepter is only out for you uwu

 

Dick Sucker: hey >:(((( its my turn to be the gay one >:((( fuck off weenies

 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: *unzips pants*

 

Satan Jacob is Valid: *unzips pants*

 

That Bitch™: *unzips pants*

 

chihoe: *unzips pants*

 

short stack sovereign: *unzips pants*

 

Dick Sucker: who the fuck told suzuno abt the meat scepter thing im shaking

 

short stack sovereign: No one. I just know how to recognize a pattern.

 

Dick Sucker: god thats so skinny. bless.

 

That Bitch™: is it? is it really?

 

Dick Sucker: my new fuckign husband agrees with you.

Dick Sucker: its not skinny

Dick Sucker: its fuckin THICCY babie !!!!

 

chihoe: Divorce Him

 

Dick Sucker: ?? he got a phatty ??

Dick Sucker: tht’d be one of the worst choices ive ever made

 

WInner Winner Chicken Dinner: Along with saying that he’s got a phatty in the chat?

 

Dick Sucker: obviously

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow !! the admin finally getting off her ass and UPDATING?? unheard of  
> the next update will prolly be 20+ years later, just sayin
> 
> also !! thanks @ whitehappy for actually giving me an iDEA for once, i had no idea what to do without either repeating the same thing or Hating it whoops
> 
> i hope its decent alkjdkflsjkl i post all my shit w/o a preview so i know i fucked Somethin up  
> but i mean. i didnt notice. so neither should u. ;)))
> 
> Also!! I'm considering reformatting this story entirely to look more like real ios messaging!! I'm shit at coding so i might have to change a couple things but! I think it'll look cool! The problem is that it'll just take a lotta time. What y'all thinkin?

**Author's Note:**

> i did this instead of doing homework ;))) im gonna do shit this year ;)))))  
> this is gonna be a boredom thing, the updates are definitely not gonna be consistent lmao  
> if you wanna harass me about my inconsistent ass updates, find me on quotev @PRETTYGAYlNC i post memes instead of being productive there


End file.
